Honoring lost loved ones at your wedding

A wedding is all about joy, right? It’s about looking to and committing to a future life together. It’s, of course, a celebration of love and community above all else. So why are we talking about honoring lost loved ones at your wedding? Isn’t that too much sadness? Isn’t that about the past?

The answer is no. It’s not too much sadness and it’s not about the past. It’s about your most important connections and honoring those.

The reality is that, sadly, there are people who won’t be at your wedding. People whom you adored. Maybe your grandmother or a cousin or even a friend.

And we can take the time to create thoughtful rituals around remembering these important souls that do not bring any of the positive energy of your wedding down. As a matter of fact, honoring lost loved ones can bring emotional richness and deep meaning to your wedding.

It can be something really simple and quiet that you don’t bring actual attention to or it can be more. It’s totally up to you. What feels right? What fits for you and your families and your ideas around ritual?

Keep in mind, too, that not all cultures see grieving as something to do in private or something that brings nothing but sadness. Have you ever been a part of a day of the dead celebration? Take a look at this. (That video might even inspire you.)

But fear not ((ha… the drama!)), we have a bunch of ideas about what honoring lost loved ones at your wedding could look like.

Photographs of you lost loved ones

Of course we’re putting this one first! And this is another reminder of why photos are so important and why it can be so valuable to take the time to get professional shots done. These are mementos that you’re leaving behind for loved ones later. (Check out reasons to get more regular professional portrait photos done as a couple.)

What to do with the photos:

This is really simple and can be done in a bunch of ways. You yourself could gather these photos or ask the photo keepers of your family to collect some good ones. Decide who to include. Get the photos framed if they’re not already.

Create an altar. If there is a mantle place in your wedding venue, you could use that. Or you could simply use a decorated table at the entryway. You could have a table at the reception if you’d rather not do this during the wedding itself.

Place candles around the photos and maybe some flowers. Invite people to spend time with the photos.

Wear something special

Perhaps a very special someone left behind a piece of jewelry. This could be your “something borrowed” and it can help you to feel like they are there with you.

It doesn’t have to be jewelry (even though that’s pretty common). Maybe your loved one collected beautiful scarves and you could wear one draped on your shoulders at the reception.

Maybe your loved one had a beautiful garden that is still being maintained and you could get some clippings for your bouquet or your could wear them in your hair. Again, this will help you to feel their presence.

Use inherited items

This is a broad category and could include so many different things. Get creative. Think about who they were and what of them you want to remember.

It might be simple and come to mind immediately. Perhaps a relative left you their china and your wedding is small enough to use that. Or you can have a couple of pieces at your head table if your wedding is larger.

An empty chair

If you have a loved one who will be particularly missed, this ritual is for that person. Maybe one of you has lost a parent, for example.

To make space for them in the wedding in a more pronounced way you could leave a chair empty in a place of honor. You could drape something of their’s on that chair or place their photo on it or decorate it in whatever way helps you and others to remember them with happiness and love.

Candles

This is one of the most popular ways we remember loved ones — by lighting candles. It also is something most people have done and it can feel very familiar and comfortable. And you could make this an active, participation activity for all of your guest.

You could have a moment when everyone lights a taper and takes a moment to remember anyone whom they miss.

You could have votives at the door. As each guest comes in, they light one and carry it to some designated areas to set it down. In this way, you’re also preparing your guests for the importance of your ceremony.

A bunch of other ways to honor your lost loved ones

• If you have printed programs for your wedding, you could write something in there.
• Or you could simply mention them by name toward the beginning of your ceremony.
• You could have a toast to them during your reception.
• If someone was a real music lover and had favorite songs, you could play them in their honor.
• If you have a piece of clothing from someone, you could create a pocket square for the groom’s suit. Or you could sew a heart made from that fabric inside the bride’s dress.
• Mention your missed loved ones in your vows.
• Create a signature drink in their memory.
• Have a memory tree. There are all kinds of options out there for this project (from metal to real trees with clips). You might even invite everyone to bring photos of lost loved ones if you’re doing this. (If your wedding is on the smaller side. If it’s a big wedding, this might get a little busy.)
• Perhaps think about them when you’re considering your wedding favor. Is there something you could make or do in their memory?
• Have a special reading (perhaps a poem like this one) during the ceremony.

And remember, have tissues everywhere. I mean, they’re usually needed for weddings anyway, but if you do something this thoughtful and meaningful, you will definitely need extras.