No matter the size of a wedding, it’s a lot of work to put this all together. And it gets especially complicated if you’re doing it yourself and you’re also planning most of your adjacent celebrations, like showers and lead-up parties. By the time you get through your big day and your honeymoon, the first thing you might notice is how tired you are. So rest is a priority, but what about romance after the wedding? What now?
It can feel like a big let down when you come off the high of all the preparation and then all the celebration. That’s natural. If you felt a bit down after your wedding, know you’re not alone. There’s a lot written about this very normal phenomenon. You can check this out as an example.
Even if you don’t feel tired or down after the wedding, there’s certainly a sense of a vacuum after something as major as a wedding. Firstly, you have more time. You’re not planning this amazing event. Secondly, you and your new spouse don’t have this shared focus. And finally, you also don’t have this series of big romantic events to look forward to.
And it might seem silly to be thinking about romance after the wedding. You might think, “of course we prioritize this!” But life moves pretty fast, and if you’re not prioritizing this aspect of your post-wedding relationship, it’s easy to let it slip. Even early on.
Romance after the wedding: keeping it a priority
Here are some ideas to think about. And we’ll try not to be totally obvious, starting with…
Anniversary photo shoots
Do you know how many couples barely have any great photos of themselves after their wedding? Far too many! Of course, there are the phone photos, but your relationship deserves better than the once-in-awhile phone photo that you print out and slap in a frame now and then. (Again, phone photos can be great.)
But there are a lot of reasons to make sure to get regular anniversary photos. (Seriously… like don’t you want to keep in touch with your wedding photographer!? ((grin)) )
And a photo shoot can totally add to a sense of romance after the wedding, especially if you add a bit of wedding nostalgia to it.
Stay curious
It’s easy to think we know someone pretty completely if we’ve been together awhile. Living with someone can make you think you know all about their insides. But really? Can we really know someone completely?
And remember that staying curious means asking questions. Diving deeper. There are even card games created for this very purpose if you feel like your inner reporter is not very gifted. ((laugh)) Look at these.
Along with staying curious…
Pay close attention
Your spouse is revealing their needs and desires to you constantly if you’re paying close attention. And truly, these little things they reveal can be great clues for surprises, dates, gifts.
If you’re bad at remembering things like this, keep a list on your phone. For example: favorite color, shoe size, favorite flower, authors they love… any little bits of information they’ve shared about preferences. No need to be embarrassed if your brain doesn’t store this stuff. There are other ways!
Again, lifelong romance takes some work and a lot of intentionality, as you can see.
Notice the needs of your shared household
This is a big one. Nothing can squash romance after the wedding like this.
If you look into what creates disconnect between couples, often women would say there is too much expectation around them being the manager of the household. From organizing groceries and cooking to noticing what needs to be done around the house to keeping track of (extended) family events, birthdays, special days of any kind.
And please don’t wait to be asked to help. Don’t wait for a “honey do” list. ((ugh)) You are both participants in this shared life. Take on roles without having them delegated to you.
Romance after the wedding: Surprises
To help spark romance after the wedding, surprises don’t have to be major and they don’t have to be complicated. Take something from this list:
- Running to the store for last minute groceries? Maybe pick up your spouse’s favorite candy single serving just for them.
- Throw a card in the mail even though you live together.
- Wash their car.
- Put a note in their work bag.
- Leave a flower on their pillow at bed time.
- Take the time to participate in their interests. For example, go to their yoga class with them on a whim.
- Text them with little love notes.
- Create a playlist for them. (You know… like a mix tape.)
- Draw their bath and include lighting some candles.
- As a matter of fact, throwing a couple candles here and there for no reason whatsoever can totally transform an evening at home.
It really is the little things.
Be their ultimate hype man/woman
What is more romantic than your person building you up, supporting you, and not being quiet about it!? If you’ve been watching the Olympics at all, you might have noticed the gold winner hype husband to one of our best track stars. (If not, here’s a video).
And your spouse doesn’t have to be an athlete to deserve this kind of hype. Whatever they do that’s important to them… focus on that.
Lifelong romance: date nights
This might be the most obvious we’ve shared here, but it’s important. It can be too easy to brush this one off. “We’re always together!” or “We… do stuff…”
Nope. Date nights are all about intentionality and surprise and they should really be about deep listening and curiosity. So they actually combine a bunch of the things we’ve already listed.
Even if you are super busy with multiple endeavors and all sorts of wack schedules, there’s no excuse for not fitting in date nights/days. Schedule them ahead and put them on your calendars in INK.
And take turns planning, too, so each of you has the opportunity to be taken care of.
So how have you done it? How are you building lifelong romance into your marriage?
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