Getting engaged can be one of the most exciting moments of our lives. And then the idea of planning a wedding can be both exciting and overwhelming. It’s dreamy and yet there are a million moving parts to think about and keep track of. Part of not going a bit nutty (and not becoming a bridezilla) during this time is knowing the things not to do when planning your wedding.
This can be as important as your to do list — a not to do list.
Things not to do when planning your wedding
Failing to set a budget… and failing to stick to it
This is always at the top of our planning lists no matter the angle we’re taking. It’s crucial. You will be happier through the whole process if you do this first, simple (not easy) thing. Be realistic. Take into account having a cushion for unforeseen things. Get very clear on what your priorities are. Is the dress most important or the venue or the food or the types of music? What are your nonnegotiables? What are your dealbreakers when it comes to your vision?
Following all the trends
This one can be difficult. There’s so much out there for inspiration and every little idea seems like the best thing ever and oh my gosh, we want it all! But simplicity really is a component of elegance.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be silly or have fun or do something very different. Just don’t try to do all the things in all those areas. Pick a lane and sprinkle in the unique elements so that they really stand out.
Following trends can be one of the more tricky things not to do when planning your wedding.
Not setting boundaries
This one will sneak up on you if you don’t give it some deep thought. You think it won’t, but trust those of us who have helped with weddings for many years. The planning of a wedding does something to people, to families. Everyone is excited, but often, unconsciously, everyone has their own agendas, dreams, ideas, needs, and expectations. And they will look to find ways to meet those for themselves.
Be clear with the people closest to you exactly what role you want and need them to fulfill during this stage. If you need them to just sit back and show up the day of, tell them in no uncertain terms. If you need a specific sort of help from someone, lay it out clearly.
And get clear on your own internal boundaries and your boundaries as a couple. It’s very easy to think you need everyone’s opinions about everything. This is a huge event you’re planning and you want it to be perfect. But trust your gut and trust your own self/selves. Reach out for opinions when you’re truly at a loss or when you know someone has special expertise.
(Here are some tips about having conversations about boundaries.)
With that said…
Not finding and then trusting experienced vendors
Vendors are the scaffolding of your wedding experience. Choose wisely. Do your research and find the best you can afford. Then? Listen to them. Trust in their hard won wisdom. This isn’t to say you should let them sway you from your heart’s desires, but this is why the interviewing process is so important: find people who share in your ideas about your wedding. Who can see what you want when you describe it to them. Who get excited about that vision.
Once you find those vendors, then you will feel really good when you sit back and let them do their thing.
And along those lines…
Not asking for help
You cannot do all the things. Period. If you want to still be living your life while you are planning your wedding, you simply cannot do all the things. This is very much what family and wedding parties are for. Though there’s a balance: you don’t want to ask too much of people but you need to ask for help.
This can all be hashed out when you have boundaries discussions with your people. Besides laying down your own boundaries, you can ask for theirs — especially when it comes to time and money. These discussions can feel uncomfortable but they will make things so much more fun in the long run.
And to follow that… one of the most important things not to do when planning your wedding:
Not having a life
This is a core attribute of the bridezilla, right? She’s nothing but wedding wedding wedding all the time! She talks wedding and nothing else. She’s constantly freaking out about her wedding. She’s not interested in anything anyone else has to say.
Boring and annoying, that’s what that is.
Make sure you’re focusing mostly on your actual life and on building the relationship that the wedding is about. Focus on friendship and family and fun. Wedding planning should just be a small part of each week leading up to it.
Take care of your mental and emotional health so that you can be fully present during all of the celebrations.
Which leads us to our final not-to-do:
Letting stress take over
This is related to everything we’ve written, but it’s very tied into the first item: failing to set a budget. Doing that is your container. Anything that doesn’t fit into that container is a no.
And n0s are the secret sauce to stress free wedding planning. Your nos create space for your yeses. Your nos create clarity around your vision.
Think of your ability to say no without hesitation as your superpower. (And not just during your wedding planning.)
Become the Queen of Nos. Your mental health, your partner, and your quality of life will thank you.
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