Whether you’re planning your wedding or are a recipient of a wedding invitation, some of the language around clothing expectations can be hard to decipher. So ever your faithful helpers, we’re here with a guide to wedding dress codes.
Even if the bridal party is dressed to the nines, that doesn’t mean they necessarily expect their guests to do the same. But it can get awkward if we show up and feel like everyone else got a memo that we somehow missed. This goes both ways, too. Whether you’re under or overdressed, it can be quite the buzz kill. ((that’s Gen X speak referring to the state of your vibes)) ((ha))
If after reading this, you’re still confused about what to wear, just ask your butler. ((joking and yes, that’s House, MD in his younger days)) And if you don’t have a butler or have misplaced yours, ask someone going whom you trust. Just don’t bug the wedding party! They have enough going on.
And besides being a great guest by dressing to code, here are ten other ways to be an awesome wedding guest.
Wedding Dress Codes: the most common categories
White Tie
Did you know this category existed? Did you know it’s actually a step above black tie? Yep, it is. This means that women are expected to wear a formal, full length evening gown, period. No exceptions. And the total package is needed: all the accessories, heels, and clutch. ((whoa)) Men are expected to wear a full on tux. With tails. And gloves. And other things that we thought were reserved for coronations. (You read that right.)
Side note: we’d love to hear about experiences any of you have had with this dress code!
Black Tie
Now this seems almost… pedestrian. (Not really. Just joking. Again.) Women are still expected to wear full length (unless the bride and groom say otherwise), but an evening, formal pant suit is also acceptable here. (Whereas it’s absolutely not in white tie.) The men are still expected to wear a tux, but tails are no longer needed. Nor gloves. And they can wear a white dinner jacket if it’s a warm summer wedding.
Black Tie Optional
This means just what it says. This is still quite a formal wedding but it’s a bit more relaxed. Women can now show their ankles ((gasp!)). And men can opt for either a tux or an elegant suit. It should still be dark and pretty conservative.
Cocktail
Men still have to wear a full suit to this wedding, but nothing nearly as formal as a tux. And it need not be a matching suit but a jacket and slacks. With tie, of course. Women can now wear anything from tea length to knee to midi (not mini). (For a guide to dress lengths, go here.)
Semi Formal
With semi formal, you should put an emphasis on the word “formal.” So think about where and when the wedding is taking place. An evening wedding would call for a different approach than something midday, for example. Women should still stay at or below the knee with dresses, though, a pant suit is also a great option. And men can get rid of the jacket and the tie is not mandatory, but they should still be in dress shirts and slacks.
Casual
Casual isn’t totally casual. So unless the bride and groom indicate that shorts and jeans are welcome, assume they aren’t. Often these weddings are taking place outdoors or on the beach, so women could wear florals and bolder colors and sundresses at whatever length. Men should still be in something like khakis and a collared shirt. (And no flip flops for anyone!)
Themed weddings
They do happen and Gen Z seems to really like them so there might be more of these in your future. Just pay close attention to the details that the couple provide. Typically these sorts of weddings are supposed to be fun so let yourself have fun with your outfit.
Come as you are
Yep, some invitations do say this under dress code, and it can be very confusing, for sure. Again, take some hints from when and where the wedding is and what you know about the couple. But also keep in mind that couples who write this on their invitation are asking you to be comfortable and to be yourself.
Country and Western
This has become popular recently and seems to be sticking around. If you see this on an invitation and it confuses you, we have a couple of basic pointers. Often these weddings are in barns or some such setting. So keep that in mind when you’re thinking about your shoes — or better yet, your boots. And if country and western isn’t in your wardrobe, think along the lines of romantic and bo-ho.
Festive
This is a new category of wedding guest attire. And it usually means fun and colorful but still a bit formal. Or formal-ish? You could think of this as cocktail attire on steroids — and the steroids are color, patterns, and textures for both women and men.
The basics of wedding dress codes
This can all feel really overwhelming, and if you have a big circle of friends and family, you can feel like there’s a lot of money to be spent on just being a guest. So here are some basic pointers:
- Don’t think you have to reinvent the wheel for every wedding. Even Princess Kate is seen re-wearing dresses.
- Maybe take some time in the fall to buy a couple of pieces for the next wedding season when everything is on sale.
- This can be the best reason to hit up vintage and resale shops. A lot of people will only wear something like this once and then get rid of it.
- If you are re-wearing something, don’t hesitate to Pretty in Pink it (and if you don’t know what that means, here’s a video). Or change up your accessories. Things can be made to look very fresh without a lot of expensive effort.
- You can also get longer dresses cut to tea length or shorter and have some other little things changed or added while you’re at it.
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